I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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