At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
