my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
