i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
