this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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