I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
