im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
