I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
