I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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