Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm always down for nudity.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
