I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
