I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
