Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just found a bag of teeth...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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