last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
