Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh god it's open bar.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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