the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
