would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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