She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
