He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
