In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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