Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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