our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
is that a dick in a sweater?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
