You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I look better un-naked...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
