I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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