im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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