but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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