to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
