Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
