So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
