Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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