i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
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