My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks