I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT