I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
