If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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