Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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