You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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