K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
