Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
