I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
