I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
