Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
