need another drink. this is the easiest way
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
