Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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