Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
