Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
