I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
