Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
