remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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