Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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