They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
