Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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