I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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