Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
