i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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