Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
