Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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