So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
