Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize