you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
