Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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