3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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