God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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