Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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