I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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