you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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