i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
