Where did you get a picture of my penis
Quick, to the slutcave!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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