My nipple is on Facebook.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize