What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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