my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
