I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
