The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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