Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my shit smells like andre
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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