listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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