Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
