I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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